by Ron and Nan Deal
In our new book The Mindful Marriage, we share a story of the morning I asked my wife, Nan, if she would like to go to a concert that evening. Feeling pursued and valued, she enthusiastically said yes. I immediately felt good that she was happy. That is, until my next question. Thinking that she would love to share the experience with some close friends, I asked, “Who else could we invite?” But her posture immediately sagged, telling me she had gone from joyful to hurt. I felt inadequate; she felt unimportant. I got defensive; she got angry. The date night was ruined—in a nanosecond.
Why are relationships often so difficult and riddled with conflict? Primarily, it is because of each partners’ reactive coping mechanisms that can erode trust and love within the relationship.
